One Last Thought
by angelinatrenchcoat
Summary: Just before the leviathans take over his vessel, Castiel has a brief, strange connection with Dean. Oneshot. There's a somewhat slashy moment between Dean and Cas, but it can be interpreted differently. VERY ANGST-Y


**A/N: Just so y'all know, I was VERY depressed and pissed over Cas's death when I wrote this. So... uhh... yeah. It's VERY angsty. Although, if you read the description, then you already know that and obviously don't mind, so enjoy.**

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><p>The pain was excruciating.<p>

Castiel's vision was foggy as he bent over, holding his stomach like something was about to burst through it. A million thoughts ran through his head, creating a mirage of his few short years here on Earth, taunting him—showing him what he couldn't have, reminding him what was about to happen. He finally understood why people would talk about their lives flashing before their eyes during a near-death experience.

"_So this is what it's like to truly die,"_ he thought.

He'd felt the pain on a smaller scale before, a couple years ago, when his fallen brother Lucifer had shredded him to pieces with just a snap of the fingers. That pain had only lasted a second, though; the next thing he remembered was waking up in the same place just a few moments later, his vessel's body fully restored and unharmed, thanks to a heavenly intervention. Yes, he'd died then, but he'd been brought back to life by his merciful Father.

This time was different. This time, he wasn't coming back, and he knew it.

He looked up at the concerned and terrified faces of Dean Winchester and Bobby Singer. They were his friends, his family, the ones he would do anything for; why had he betrayed them? He hardly remembered the reasoning behind his foolish acts anymore. All he knew was that he'd done wrong to his closest friends in every way possible, and now he was paying for it.

As he thought of what he'd done to them, he stopped trying to reject the pain radiating through his body; he deserved to die this way.

Slowly, he sensed something inside him merge with his vessel, taking over the limbs one by one—the leviathans. He knew they'd gripped onto him as the souls he'd swallowed were thrown back into purgatory. They didn't go back as the other evil things did. He felt cold, sharp claws dig into his stomach, sending another shock of pain through his entire being.

Looking up at Dean and Bobby again, he realized they had to leave before the evil creatures took over his body. He yelled something at them, some garbled mess of words that he could barely understand himself. He hoped they got the point, because it was becoming harder to talk by the second. Blackness clouded his vision, but he wasn't finished; he fought off the creatures a few moments longer so that he could do one last thing.

He shifted his complete focus to Dean, hoping to convey several days' worth of apologies through one last fleeting glance. As his blue eyes met Dean's green ones, a rush of emotion flowed through him. He could see the fear, denial, and brokenness in his best friend, and he knew it was all his fault. Dean had gone through so much, and had such a long journey yet to go; did the hunter really need this dilemma added to the pile of burdens on his shoulders?

As the two men stared at each other, everything Cas wanted to say, everything he _should've_ said, ran through his mind. _"I'm so sorry. We _are_ family. You mean the world to me."_ The thoughts became more and more personal, but he didn't care. They were his own thoughts—right?

Looking at Dean's face, he suddenly wasn't so sure.

The hunter's expression slowly became less scared and more shocked, like he was having an epiphany. Then, Cas's mind was filled with thoughts he was sure didn't come from himself. _"I forgive you. Please, don't let go, not now…"_

Nearly delirious with pain at this point, Cas didn't stop to ponder whether he and Dean were really sharing a temporary mental connection or if his imagination was just running wild. _"Dean, I can't stay. I can't go on. You have to leave. You, Bobby, Sam, you have to go."_

"_No, you can't. Cas, we need you. _I_ need you. Don't give up on me now!"_

Moisture slowly gathered in Cas's eyes. He saw a single tear fall down Dean's face. Then, an unbearable burning sensation engulfed his entire body; he squeezed his eyes shut, falling to his knees, breaking the connection between him and Dean. As darkness took over the last part of him, one final thought echoed through his brain.

"_I'm so sorry, Dean."_

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><p><strong>AN: Not to ruin the mood with a random author's note, but has anyone heard anything about Cas possibly coming back? If he does, I'm throwing a legit party :D**


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